I invented a new system for evaluating pastimes and distractions today, called FEEA (pronounced “fear”, but with a soul-piercing screech).
The letters stand for Fun, Edification, Ease and Availability. What you do is rate all the things that you could do out of five, tally the four scores up, and the winner is the one with the most points. Here’s what I found.
Playing Computer Games
Fun: 4
Edification: 2 (there’s always that feeling that you haven’t really achieved anything)
Ease: 5 (can be done whilst drunk, that’s how easy it is)
Availability: 4 (waiting for it to load)
TOTAL: 15 (a most respectable score)

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There’s so much I could tell you about my new job.
I could tell you about the pikies who are camped around a burned-out car on the corner near my office.
I could go on for hours about my daily commute, but we don’t need more train-ranting than we have already.
I could tell you how quiet my office is, and yet so conversely filled with such tat items as keyrings that bleep when you clap [or cough, or the phone rings] that it does resound with noise and movement despite the no-talk work ethic bollocks that they haven’t snapped out of yet.
I could ask your advice about how to ignore my moments of guilt, that everyone else is already at their desks when I arrive, and still at their desks when I leave, despite the fact that I work my full 37 hour week.
Or I could regale you with the anecdote about how my minion and I had a brief meeting with a senior quality person today, to find out exactly what function testing and safety instructions were required, under british law, for the manufacture of vibrators.