Estee and I, sadly lacking in both the wit and imagination of previous guests here at uborka, struggled and then finally came up with a theme. Well, a theme of sorts.
We would do a series entitled My First …,
We both thought up a few choice titles and scurried away to put pen to paper, or at least finger to keyboard.
Posting day finally arrived and intead of displaying my outstanding effort, I display a curse which has afflicted me for as long as I can remember. The memory span of a goldfish.
Mine Host had indeed sent me the logon details a mere month or so ago, and I had characteristically filed it in that part of my brain entitled ‘Future Reference – Do Not Retrieve Upon Pain of Death’.
So apologies fair uborka readers, for the complete lack of content today.
Normal service will be resumed tomorrow.
- No comments yet, but you can change that.
Chick Flick, Actually
Pete cried like a baby during Love Actually.
I cried during Kill Bill: Vol. 2.
- Comments: 6
- Your login should be enabled. Do you still have the username and password that I sent you ... - Pete
- erm.... Good morning all. I'd love to post this fine foggy morning, but, alas, the logon f... - julia
- Well, y'know, chicks dig the whole sensitive guy thing. (grabs balls and readjusts them) J... - Pete
- I'm assuming Pete cried out of joy that it was over and that he could go barbecue? - Adrian
- Quick! Get that man to a barbecue. - Tom Reynolds
African (cock)Tales
Some pimms in a hat for an African fairy (they make circles). But drunk upside down. Don’t spill it now.
Some sunny pride for an African doctor. (Dr. Pockless I presume).
Some English water and an English sunburn for an rooinek. (Pink’s better than yellow)
A vodka Kinshasa for an off coloured remark. (chew the lime and sugar and shoot the vodka).
Some rooibos tea for an African daisy. (A bush for a flower.)
A rainbow nation for the milk boy. (You wanted colours didn’t you)
A horny tusk for the klien bass. (Coming right up before I get beat)
An Irish for the melting goon. (Black and White, you got the theme)
Loverboy wants a bit of the klien bass’s horny tusk. Boy that a biggie. Loverboy also gets a slap for being impatient.
A hatless pimms for an travelling meisie. Some parts of Africa they are topless too.
And a whatever the she wants for the groot baas. I’ll be bloody if I don’t get her merry.
It’s been a gas. Thanks to everyone. Me and Marl love ya all. Just not in that way. Coming up sometime, a bloggers braai.
- Comments: 6
- Horney little devil. - Adrian
- I like rooibos. Occasionally. Rooibos chai is better... tusktusktusktusktusktusktusk - Stuart
- Could be ... can't trust those pool workfairies not slack off. - Adrian
- Funnily enough, my father drinks Rooibos occasionally. *screws up face and makes vomiting ... - Daisy
- it's africa - loverboy and i can tusk all we want. also, i prefer to be called "bwana kido... - krissa
The effects of information overload
Betts and I were discussing what next to write about. The problem is that by the end of the week my brain has all but switched off, and the part that is responsible for “amusing insights” has gone on sabbatical.
I dont blame it on work though. I blame it on what can only be called “communication overload”. My constant gawking at television sets and computer monitors means that my brain is rendered incapable of any original thought by the end of the working week.
I would like to blame the following 3 things for causing this breakdown:
The assistant in MS Word
If there was ever proof that Bill Gates is satan, its that bloody paperclip and/or dog in Word that pops up all the time asking if you want help. I thought Word was a word processor, but it seems like Bill felt that we all require some therapy. I usually just type in stuff like “I want you to go and &^$$%# yourself”, but even then that clowning paperclip/dog always has a clever answer.
Ads that have nothing to do with the product
I understand that I live in a world obsessed with entertainment. I understand that ad people get paid lots of dosh to ostensibly turn boring products into exciting (buyable) merchandise.
The problem for me is that the majority of ads make no sense, and despite the fact that the ad person got an award for ‘creative insight’, there is no way in the world that there can be a logical connection between Lara Craft and a tin of sardines.
Reality TV
Just because you do something infront of a camera doesn’t make it interesting. I say pay the bloody actors and lets see some scripts. I don’t want anymore Gareth Gates impersonators. People who eat worms to be famous. Bachelors who can marry any woman they want but who wont marry anyone in the end anyway. Movies about how cardiac surgeons operate. Trinny and Susanna dressing up another fat lady.
Please bring back the A-Team. I need some intelligent programming.
Ok, Im off to go live in cave. And read a book.
- Comments: 1
- Just as long as that book is an A-Team Annual. - Pete
Sundowners African Style
To the guy who stole my bagel and proclaimed “he was there first” when I tried to explain it was my order – You weren’t. Knobber.
To the obvious out of towners/foreigners who were all standing on the left hand side on the tube escalators – Stand on the right or bugger off. Some of us actually have places to be.
To the nutter on the tube who was talking to himself but staring directly at me – Don’t ever do that again, it’s disconcerting on a level that endangers your health.
Today’s cocktail theme is “London and Johannesburg”, “England and South Africa” or “Where the sun don’t shine, and where it does”. Anyone who doesn’t stick to the theme won’t be served. And will be summarily shot.
Get your orders in.
- Comments: 16
- Golly, is there still time? I'll have a bloody mary, please. And don't you tell me I'll be... - Karen
- ooh, pimms for me too please. but as i don't much fancy the taste of hat, i'll have mine w... - estee
- Gosh. I'm frightfully thirsty. - Stuart
- Oh, and stop hogging the bloody firing squad wall. Budge up, budge up. - Stuart
- Oooh, Tusker. I'll share. - Stuart
Hit and Myth
Are either of the following true?
1. Cooking on a barbecue makes a man feel like a man.
2. If you wash trousers inside-out, they stay young for longer.
- Comments: 11
- Thank you for your assistance. The current heated domestic discussion score is one-all. - Karen
- 1. Of course. 2. Of course. in other words - well dduuuhhhhh... (no I have no idea either.... - Gordon
- It's not cooking on the barbecue that makes a man feel like a man, it's lighting it which ... - Dragon
- Only less manly. - King Pete
- I would suggest that you could have your trousers washed whilst inside out and flying from... - Stuart
Scandal on the Uborka
It appears some schmuck pretended to be me last night and posted some drunken depressing ramble. I have no idea who this ‘pretender’ may be, but I can assure it it’s not me. I would never lower the tone of Uborkadom with some depressing personal drivel and we all know I can spell better than that.
I apologise for this individual, and I think we all know that that personal feels rather bad this morning and possibly a bit sick (from guilt).
In the following of the new Court of Uborka (Judge Karen presiding), I ask the jury to dismiss the previous post. It is stricken from the record.
- Comments: 21
- Bugger! - Adrian
- Not as good as L.A. Law, but better than your average episode of Ally McBeal. - D
- I decree that the aforementioned post shall be sustained, and that it shall be attributed ... - Karen
- I used Occams Razor to shave this morning. - Adrian
- The defendant's representative is off to have a pint somewhere. And then deny it. - marl
10 Things that suck about being a consultant
I’m going to make this a slightly more serious post than Bitter Marl’s for the following reasons
- I used up all my funny juices with yesterdays post
- I’m drunk
- Marl’s much funnier than I
- I’m drunk
- Today I elected to remove myself from the promotions lists as I have a snowballs chance in being promoted and not becsue I don’t deserver it
- I’m drunk
Right without further adue [you all can correct that spelling in the morning] 10 things I hate about being a constultant
- I haven’t been promoted for the last 4 years when all my peers have largely do to politcal reasons
- I haven’t been promoted for the last 4 years when all my peers have largely do to politcal reasons
- I haven’t been promoted for the last 4 years when all my peers have largely do to politcal reasons
- I haven’t been promoted for the last 4 years when all my peers have largely do to politcal reasons
- I haven’t been promoted for the last 4 years when all my peers have largely do to politcal reasons
- I haven’t been promoted for the last 4 years when all my peers have largely do to politcal reasons
- I haven’t been promoted for the last 4 years when all my peers have largely do to politcal reasons
- I haven’t been promoted for the last 4 years when all my peers have largely do to politcal reasons
- I haven’t been promoted for the last 4 years when all my peers have largely do to politcal reasons
- I haven’t been promoted for the last 4 years when all my peers have largely do to politcal reasons
Ok, I’m drunk and bitter and upset. Even though there is more dpeth and compexity to this than the post belighes, it upsets me that I am taking my name off the list (for good reasons) and have to watch another set of my peers get promoted.
Right now it’s not the intelecctual understanding that counts but the fact that life isn’t fair that counts.
Right now I wish I was a lawyer!
- Comments: 10
- Emails can be spoofed, you know. - Karen
- I have emails ... - Adrian
- You have NO evidence of that. - Karen
- Hey, you tried to get me into fishnets on more than one occasion. - Adrian
- let's just say I'm not as thrilled by the idea of Adrian in them as you are. - Karen

