May 2, 2004

Introducing Bitter Marl

My fellow guest blogger, who should be along tomorrow morning to introduce my good self, is my friend Marlon.
Marlon, or Marl I met at university in 1993. Marl was different to all the other kids. Marl viewed the world with different eyes. As far as anyone could tell, it’s because Marlon was a bit strange. Marl had been known to chase one of our friends around a camp site cabin with a butchers knife in revenge for an insult or some such. Marl was drunk at the time, but I don’t think this would stand up in a court of law.
At some point Marl became “Bitter Marl“. I think this point revolved around a girl. Or more precisely this point revolved around a lack of girl. It may have been a specific girl but it’s really not all that relevant. It most likely was a girl that Marl liked who was dating one of his friends. Marl did a lot of this. He dated girls before or after his friends did. And by this I do mean the same girl. However it all worked out in the end as Marl is now happily married and his friends are forbidden to date his wife. Again.
So Marl is no longer bitter. Well expect for a long list of things, but not because of girls. However Marl being Bitter Marl is not a bad thing. The reason for this is born out of this initial spout of girl induced varsity bitterness (and who amongst us didn’t have this) was a sense of humour that is not so much of centre but as off balance.
Marl used to draw cartoons at university. Cartoons of his friends. This is where the character Black Betty Seabitch came from. And this is where my varsity nickname Betty, Betts, Seabitch have come from. The cartoon was hysterically funny till Marl got bored and in the final strip had me killed in panel 3. He ran me over with a bus. It hurt.
After I moved to England and started a website, Marl thought it would be funny to download pictures from my webcam or photo album and send out emails mocking me. These again where really funny, and after emailing them out on my group list, I set up a section of the site called MarlZone where I had these mocks. Later on I added to this Marl’s Yoshi stories. I cannot describe these stories or put them into a category. You have to read them for yourself.
Marl is a top lawyer, an ex talk show DJ and a great friend. He’s one of the funniest men I know. Hopefully he will entertain you lot of reprobates as much as he has entertained me over the years. I’m sure there will be a healthy dose of ritual abuse (of myself). I expect nothing less and I suspect you lot will be right behind him all the way.
Ladies and gentleman, I give you Bitter Marl.

Adrian
  • Comments: 3
  • Hey Karen Shut up Betts...or I'll set some firelighter on you. - Marl
  • Oh god no. Don't encourage him Karen. - Adrian
  • Hello Bitter Marl. - Karen

Leader of the Bat: A Musical

So, first there are these gossipy schoolgirls, talking about Betty behind her back. You know the sort of thing: (She’s no better than she should be. Have you seen the length of her skirt? Is she really going out with him? Well, there she is. Let’s ask her…)

Then who comes round the corner, but Betty herself, and the girls look mighty embarrassed at being caught bitching about her, so they have to pretend to be her best friend.

– Betty, is that Jimmy’s ring you’re wearing?
– Mm-hmm Betty’s thinking that these bitches had better not say anything that would make her cry.

– Gee, it must be great riding with him. Is he picking you up after school today?
-Uh-uh Betty looks at them as if they’re stupid. How can they not know the news, it’s all over school.
– By the way, where’d you meet him?

-I met him at the candy store; He turned around and smiled at me, You get the picture?
(yes, we see. Gee, it aint rocket science, honey)
-That’s when I fell for the leader of the pack.

But now she’s started talking about him, it just feels so good to get it all off her chest. -My folks were always putting him down (down, down)
They said he came from the wrong side of town

(whatcha mean when ya say that he came from the wrong side of town? You’re not so high-class yourself, you slapper.)

-They told me he was bad, But I knew he was sad, That’s why I fell for the leader of the pack. One day my dad said, find someone new. I had to tell my Jimmy we’re through –

(whatcha mean when ya say that ya better go find somebody new? You think you’re in an episode of Romeo and Juliet or something?)
-He stood there and asked me why, But all I could do was cry. I’m sorry I hurt you, the leader of the pack.

-He sort of smiled and kissed me goodbye, The tears were beginning to show. As he drove away on that rainy night, I begged him to go slow. But whether he heard, I’ll never know.
(No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh come on, it’s self-evident that he didn’t. If he’d heard you, maybe he wouldn’t have died in that hideous wreck.)

– Look out! Look out! Look out! Look out! I felt so helpless, what could I do? Remembering all the things we’d been through
(Oh please, we only just heard you were going out with him. It was hardly the passion of a lifetime.)
– In school they all stop and stare; I can’t hide the tears, but I don’t care. I’ll never forget him, the leader of the pack.

(The leader of the pack, now he’s gone,
wasn’t watching the road, now he’s gone
The leader of the pack, now he’s gone,
you dumped him, and now he’s gone)

But, do you want to know what really happened?

Sirens are screaming and the fires are howling Way down in the valley tonight
There’s a man in the shadows with a gun in his eye And a blade shining oh so bright
There’s evil in the air and there’s thunder in the sky And a killer’s on the bloodshot streets
Oh and down in the tunnel where the deadly are rising Oh I swear I saw a young boy
Down in the gutter He was starting to foam in the heat

(tell me more, tell me more, did she put up a fight?)

Oh Baby, you’re the only thing in this whole world that’s pure and good and right
So what the hell do you mean, your dad says ya gotta find somebody new?
You said you’d put out, and it would be tonight;
And now you’re telling me that we’re through?
How about just once, make the most of our one night together
When it’s over you know, We’ll both be so alone.

(tell me more, tell me more, she seems rather uptight)

Well if I’m not getting any, then I’m out of here. You said you loved me, but I guess that was just so I’d give you a lift home from school.
I’m gonna hit the highway like a battering ram On a silver black phantom bike
When the metal is hot and the engine is hungry And we’re all about to see the light
I’m all dressed up with no place to go, and everything is stunted and lost
And nothing really rocks And nothing really rolls And nothing’s ever worth the cost
And I know that I’m damned if I never get out, And maybe I’m damned if I do
But with every other beat I got left in my heart, you know damn well I wanted to do it with you.

(You’re the one that I want, you’re the one that I want, ooh ooh ooh)

Oh Baby, you’re the only thing in this whole world that’s pure and good and right
And wherever you are and wherever you go There’s always gonna be some light
But if I’m not getting any here I’ll go someplace else
When it’s over you know We’ll both be so alone

(You’re the one that I want, you’re the one that I want, ooh ooh ooh)

I can see myself tearing up the road Faster than any other boy has ever gone
And my skin is raw but my soul is ripe No one’s gonna stop me now I gotta make my escape
But I can’t stop thinking of you And I never see the sudden curve until it’s way too late
And I vaguely hear you yelling look out look out look out look out
But as I said, it’s way too late.

Then I’m dying at the bottom of a pit in the blazing sun, Torn and twisted at the foot of a burning bike
And I think somebody somewhere must be tolling a bell, but on retrospect it was probably you, you made a hell of a lot of noise after the blind bend, thanks for your input. You know, you had a mobile phone, you could have called an ambulance. It’s the least you could have done, after you pissed me off so much that I crashed my bike.
And the last thing I see is my heart Still beating
Breaking out of my body And flying away Like a bat out of hell
Breaking out of my body and flying away Like a bat out of hell

Karen
  • Comments: 1
  • I have spent the morning listening to my favourite girl groups CD, trying to sing these ne... - Vaughan
  • Comments: 7
  • Is that addressed to me, or to Adrian? (Think very carefully before answering). - Karen
  • Eh? Who the fuck are you? - Pete
  • I knew that. Pete doesn't pay as much attention as I do. - Karen
  • Jose is J. And she is a she. - Adrian
  • I think Jose is a she. - Karen

Thanks for watching, POTM is now closed

I don’t know quite how long we’ve been doing POTM, maybe not quite a year; but now seems a good time to draw it to a graceful close.
Our April nominations, as ever, were of a majestic calibre; and the jury has discussed this extensively, this morning, while brushing their teeth.
It is our absolute delight to award the final Post of the Month to Acerbia, for Eden.
The virtual champagne is on us.
Goodnight.

Karen
  • Comments: 2
  • I'm viewing this "absolute delight" with narrow-eyed supicious mumblings... before my cyni... - D
  • You're doing it again. Posting after midnight. Turning into quite the Nocturnomath, aren't... - Pete
May 1, 2004

Good Ikea

Now we are very grown up, we spent last Sunday going to a garden centre and then planting and pruning and stuff. This weekend being a bank holiday, of course we had to go to Ikea.
We had two really good reasons to go to Ikea:
1. The only slippers I ever want to wear are those soft comfy towelling ones that mould to your feet, that you can get in Ikea. They are the most marvellous foot experience that it is possible to have, but they are not terribly robust. The pair that I am wearing now were sent by Frau Doktor Pockless from Budapest, because I didn’t have an Ikea handy.
2. My new computer needed its own desk, and we have a handy little alcove that it could exist in, and I saw a marvellous little metal affair going cheap on the Ikea website.
So, off we went to Ikea, facing traffic and more traffic and people with children and more people and more children, just for to get me some slippers and a desk.
We got the desk.

desk.jpg

Continue reading

Karen
  • Comments: 3
  • I'm not a slippers man, but I find the rest of my family loves a good pair of sheepskin sl... - Adrian
  • I find that women's shoes in size 7 fit quite well. You can obtain them online, and also f... - Karen
  • Size 7? That's massive, how do you ever manage to find women's shoes that fit? - D

An Apology to the Mozilla organisation

There is nothing wrong with Thunderbird. My computer is still resetting itself.
It did something like this at around this time last year, and it stopped misbehaving in August. I think I must be the only person who has a computer with hayfever.

Pete
  • Comments: 6
  • UPDATE: replaced power supply. Computer no longer resets itself. - Pete
  • I have the case off at the moment, and I am also running a program called MBProbe which mo... - Pete
  • I'm grinning at If you're comfortable doing it - he is currently considering rebuilding on... - Karen
  • Another, more likely, cause of unwanted rebooting is the processor overheating. If you're ... - PB Curtis
  • Thanks for the link, PB. However, the article makes mention of Windows patches, anti-virus... - Pete

Thunderbird 0.5

Mozilla’s new mail client made my computer reset itself, repeatedly and maliciously. I’ve stopped using it now. Anyone else had similar experiences?

Pete
  • Comments: 5
  • Stop whining about it resetting, then! - Karen
  • It's more important to me that my precious Karen's computer works well than mine. - Pete
  • And as you know, me and me beautiful new computer have no problems with it whatsoever. Als... - Karen
  • Haven't had any problems with it either, but have only used it intermittently so far. I'v... - Not that Adrian
  • Nope, no problems here. But I don't use it as my main mail client. - Adrian
April 30, 2004

Bridging the Gap

Am I the only woman in the world whose boyfriend abandons her on a Friday night to play bridge? It’s not that I’m feeling terribly lonely, here at the top of the Uborka Tower on my own, but that I’m worried about what playing bridge might be a euphemism for.
Because surely, it is a euphemism, isn’t it?

Karen
  • Comments: 10
  • Aaargh, no, not Bridge. Tried learning it over the weekend (epic levels of boredom) and th... - Lyle
  • It's a card game played by yids a lot. It's a bridge derrivative from Holland I think. It ... - Adrian
  • If Adrian plays it, then it must be. - Pete
  • Do we know what that is? Is it sleazy? - Karen
  • Clubbijas. - Pete