May 31, 2013

Introducing… K

Okay, what the fuck do you want?

This is K: I’m a non-blogger. I never really got it, apart from vicariously reliving our antics through Troubled Diva. However, I became an enthusiastic late adopter to Twitter as @ktd (oh, and I’ve been lazy with my alter ego, @feasance_miss).

I was introduced to this social media thing by my partner and co-counsellor @miketd. He now tells me off for spending too much time chatting to strangers. (“Where’s my dinner!”) I really don’t know where this came from, since I am an antisocial grump who prefers to swear and hide from the public. But then, the keyboard provides the perfect foil for the outside world – I really don’t like telling people to fuck off in person.

I’m a cell biologist with a dilettante research history. Basically, I am into finding new ways of diagnosing disease, principally that bastard cancer.

I do science because it’s what I’m best at, and it’s not too bad to make a contribution to health. That said, I’ve always been interested in all things creative, particularly the visual arts. Pictures are better for me since I struggle with worms.

I’m a bit of a cook, and I like my wine (both quality and quantity, as evidenced by late night Twitter obscenities). I love our garden. I like good clothes and design. I wouldn’t survive without Mr Porter, because that would involve interacting with the real world. Despite hating the real world, I’ve seen most of it. I used to love travelling, but now it’s just a pain in the arse.

I have an unhealthy obsession with contemporary studio ceramics – I come from Stoke on Trent. This causes @miketd anxiety, because he thinks we are running out of available surfaces.

So please come to me for embarrassing body issues (I’m a biologist), food, wine and restaurants (I’m a drunken glutton), gardening advice (I’m middle aged) and men’s sartorial questions (I’m gay). Also travel (boutique hotels only – did I say I’m gay?), interior design and great pots.

Footnote: I’m very cheap, but I don’t do budget.

Now fuck off and leave me alone.

K
  • Comments: 7
  • [...] my answers were interesting and/or helpful. (N.B. Questions were also asked of Mike ... - My week as an ‘Agony Aunt’ - Rarely Wears Lipstick
  • If a recipe calls for garlic, and I haven't got any, what can I use instead? - Karen
  • Kevin, While lovingly polishing your modern ceramics, may I suggest you clean your mouth... - American Deb
  • So..... What *is* the proper terminology to use when addressing... a) a doctor b) a po... - lyle
  • I'm becoming more and more convinced that K is a god in the guise of a rotten scheming dru... - lyle
May 30, 2013

Introducing… Mike TD

Greetings, People of Uborka. I’m @miketd, currently on indefinite hiatus from Troubled Diva, and imminently on permanent hiatus from my career in IT. Happily, this gives me ample time to answer any “lifestyle” questions that you may care to chuck in my direction.

My sideline career as a music writer has brought me into contact with many a celebrity, via the medium of the telephone, for periods that have rarely exceeded twenty minutes. To put my place in the pecking order into its proper context: during the 1970s, legendary rock writer Nick Kent got regularly and extravagantly wasted on L.A.’s Sunset Strip with Iggy Pop… whereas I once got to hang out at The Good Mixer at Camden Town, with the lead singer of Scouting For Girls, after an Owl City gig. Evidently, ours is a diminished profession.

My chosen specialist subjects are: arts, culture, media old and new, relationship advice and general matters of the heart. Please refrain from asking me about cookery, motoring, career advice and sports. I look forward to fielding your queries to the best of my ability.

Mike

Introducing… Lori Smith

So, it’s Lifestyle Week on Uborka and I’ve been asked to don my very best Agony Aunt hat in order to help you, dear reader, with your problems. Why have I been asked to do this, you may well ask. Allow me to introduce myself…

My name is Lori Smith (aka @lipsticklori) and I have been blogging since 2002. I am an online writer who specialises in fashion – specifically vintage/ethical and lingerie – feminism, sex and relationships. I have appeared on Channel 4’s More Sex Tips For Girls, was interviewed about open relationships for The Guardian and Glamour Magazine, and was quoted in The Metro talking about sex blogging. As well as my own site – Rarely Wears Lipstick – I have written for contemporary feminism site The F-Word, online women’s magazine BitchBuzz, and have had articles published in Geeked and SLiNK magazines.

I have also spoken at a number of events: I was on the fashion panel at SHINE 2011, the UK’s leading unconventional conference for socially-minded entrepreneurs; I was a speaker at sex blogger and erotica writer’s conference Eroticon in 2012 and 2013; I hosted a session on creative costumes at BurlyCamp 2012; and I co-hosted a session about sex blogging at Cybher12. On top of all that, I was a finalist in the Writer category of the Erotic Awards in 2012 and I am currently studying MA History and Culture of Fashion (part-time) at London College of Fashion. No, I don’t know where I find the time for all this either!

So, if you want to ask me any questions about sex, relationships, body image, feminism or fashion, I am at your service. I do hope I can help.

Lori Smith
  • Comments: 14
  • [...] blog Uborka over the last week, and they very kindly asked me to be one of their adv... - My week as an ‘Agony Aunt’ - Rarely Wears Lipstick
  • I've been thinking about asking this question all week, as it's something that's been on m... - pixeldiva
  • I have a question. Is it ethically possible to enjoy pornography, without feeling guilt at... - mike
  • In that case can I change my original question, to ask for foundation recommendations & wh... - Karen
  • Karen: as this is something I know nothing about, I'm not sure whether I'll find much more... - Lori Smith
May 29, 2013

Pizza, northern style

Today’s plan to go to the beach is scuppered by wind and rain; the normal grey Armpit is back. One of the alternatives on offer is to drive into the nearest town to visit Prezzo; I say it will be my treat. Stepdad mutters gloomily that it is unlikely that Bernard will find something he likes on the menu there. Mum anxiously offers to go halves because it’s such an expensive restaurant. They are both serious. I worry that Prezzo means something different up north.

Prezzo is exactly the same up north, which makes today mostly a win.

Karen

Uborka Running Club Update #1

It’s a fortnight since we launched Uborka Running Club. We appear to have had eight people sign up, but of course the invitation is open, there’s no fee, and everyone is welcome. Honestly, you don’t even have to run. I was going to list the members and ask individuals for their reports, but that seems a bit strict, and we’re really not strict. Just dive in if you want to.

Your questions are:

  • What progress have you made in the last fortnight?
  • What programme or app are you using, if any?
  • What do you listen to while you’re running?
Karen
  • Comments: 13
  • What progress have you made in the last fortnight? Yesterday I went for a 'run' for the f... - Stuart
  • What progress have you made in the last fortnight? None this week as it has been half ter... - Lisa
  • What progress have you made in the last fortnight? None. In fact, just the opposite as my... - Tom
  • Damn. Dataholic would have been a much better word. - Karen
  • Sevitz, you informationaholic. - Karen
May 28, 2013

See? Life.

Today’s activity consists of spending more time driving to and from Scarborough, than we actually spend in the Sea Life Centre itself. This is because the SLC is fairly similar to all the other aquariums, but with extra otters. The otters don’t do anything much. The SLC is extremely crowded, as one would expect during half term week. There are a lot of dark tunnels full of big people, little people, and pushchairs. Happily my enochlophobia doesn’t really manifest itself until we are about to leave anyway. This is no more than about an hour after we arrived (give or take 20 minutes of queuing to get in despite advance ticket purchase). I don’t really get aquariums. There are rude pulsing jellyfish, scruffy-looking penguins, and mean-faced sharks. They don’t race or crash or talk. We look at it all, and then we leave.

Mum and stepdad, having been sent a different route round the centre with the wheelchair, are already sitting in the car looking cross, which means there is no chance we can go back inside for a round of mini-golf, as requested by Bernard. They bicker all the way home about how and why every other driver on the road is getting it wrong.

Here’s a picture of Bernard eating a gravy-filled yorkshire pudding as big as his face:2013-05-28 13.11.17

Karen

Where are they now? An interview with Lyle

bunnysuitAre you living in the same place as in 2004/05?

Lord no, not even close. In 2004/5 I was… well, it varies. In 2004 I was in Manchester, and working in Oldham. I’ve never worked out quite what I’d done to deserve such a punishment, but there must be something. In mid-04 I got together with Herself, so spent the latter half of 2004 living in Manchester, working in Oldham, and travelling to Reading every weekend. It was probably the Golden Age for D4D’s train rants (sadly since lost to time and backups) but made for a lot of travelling.

In 2005 I moved to Bracknell (again, still not knowing what I’d done to deserve such ongoing punishments for places to live) to be with Herself, and by the end of 2005 was working in Wokingham while living in Bracknell – but we already had plans to move to Norfolk.

And bloody hell, doesn’t time fly when you’re having fun? I can’t believe that’s nearly ten years ago. Of course, since 2005 I’ve also lived in two places in Norfolk, three in Suffolk, and one in Bedfordshire (just). Which goes to explain the first of DG’s questions later on…
Continue reading

Pete
  • Comments: 7
  • Just catching up on these posts (as usual). I totally agree about Twitter being many thing... - Lori Smith
  • I've dropped you an email, Vaughan. Let me know if you don't get it! - Karen
  • Eh? What? Um. Oh. Oh, okay then (and thank you, Lyle). Though I can't promise I'll be very... - Vaughan
  • I've never claimed to be pretty, thankfully. - lyle
  • Yeah. He was never pretty. - Karen
May 27, 2013

Armpit: Sunshine, Shopping, Sleep

5am, Bernard sits up like a meerkat. I’ve only been asleep for a small handful of hours, and he’s not allowed out of the bedroom until after Stepdad has got up and settled into his chair for the day. He snuggles into my bed. It’s like snuggling a bag of eels with an old man’s morning cough. I kick him out and he reads books as noisily as possible for the next hour.

Our plans today start with shopping. Armpit has an outlet village, which is crap, like everything else in Armpit. Its only saving grace is the Clarks shop: crowded and understaffed, but I can get £10 off a pair of kids’ shoes, and trust me, non-parents, spending more on children’s shoes than on your own can really grate. Bernard’s feet have expanded 1.5 sizes since his last measurement, as the assistant informs me disapprovingly. Bernard wins two pairs of shoes.

After lunch we visit Wassand Hall, which wasn’t open to the public when I lived here (though the tree-lined driveway was a well-known lovers’ lane). Mum (broken toe) and I (sprained ankle) push Stepdad’s wheelchair up the gravel drive and across the grass of the field where the vintage car rally is being held. His infirmities are such that he is unable to walk to the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea, but if we go out for the day, he insists on driving. I don’t really get vintage cars. They’re old, they’re shiny, they all have shabby teddy bear mascots on their shabby leather seats. They don’t race or crash or talk. We look at them, and then we leave.

I make pitta breads for our tea. Mum has two packets of yeast, both best before 2010. The pittas don’t rise but everyone is polite about them. Bernard is bouncing off the walls in his tiredness but still manages to be almost entirely well-behaved and polite. We finish reading The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, and I retire into a glass of wine.

Karen