September 15, 2013

Maaaaaps In Tiiiiime

Here’s a tidbit that you probably didn’t already know, because I never write about work on this site – my job involves maps. I’ve always loved maps, just casting my eye across them and imagining all the people doing their thing and living their lives, and imagining the changes throughout the millennia that eventually resulted in things being precisely where they are.

One of the really fun things that you can do when you’ve got your own map-drawing software is to go back in time.

My first experiment was to hide all of the motorways. The change in the road network is immediate and astounding. Motorways charge across the countryside, swooping close to large towns and cities but generally not touching them, like an alien tourist from another planet. Once they’re gone, the road network links up all the cities, towns and villages, fairly direct and fairly perpendicular. In your mind’s eye you picture medieval families walking to market with their goods on a cart. From this village to this town, and then back again at the end of the day. For long distance travellers, it’s a series of stops – a journey across the country is described by the towns that you sleep in along the way, not by a series of short alphanumeric codes. Before the M4 gave us the power to rocket from London to Bristol in 2 hours, the main road was the A4 which goes directly through the centres of Slough, Maidenhead, Reading, Newbury, Hungerford, Marlborough, Chippenham and Bath. If you wanted to avoid any of these places, then it would be a long way round.

The second experiment is to then go ahead and hide the roads altogether. The pattern that you see now is strands of old settlements radiating inward from the coast, following the courses of the rivers. You’re now back in an even older time, when a flowing river was necessary for fresh water and transportation of heavy items. And suddenly, even the straight lines of the road network seem crude. There’s something quite civilised about the way that the towns are linked by the natural waterways before humans went and tried to connect them by the shortest possible path, in their idiosyncratic way.

I’m not a luddite. I’m just a bit wistful. It’s inevitable that future generations will continue to push forward for the sake of optimisation. Maybe one day a guy just like me will peel layers off of a map until he can see just the cities and motorways and think “ah, wasn’t it quaint?”

I wonder what those layers will be. In hindsight, it’s an obvious progression – from winding waterways, to direct town-to-town roads, to high speed non-stop expressways spanning the country. What could supersede that? Maybe an ultra-high speed rail network, once again direct from city to city? Would this have to be done using some sort of vacuum tube, in order to reach insanely high speeds? Would it be cost-effective to do this underground? Will motorways become obsolete?

Uborka readers, what is the future of transport? As a sweetener, if you turn out to be right, I’ll buy you a cucumber.

Pete
  • Comments: 6
  • *poursgin* Interesting though, always fascinating to see how things have developed. ... - Gordon
  • When their newsletter arrives, the eye-rolling and gin-drinking goes into overdrive in a c... - graybo
  • Never heard of the Charles Close Society. While I agree that it is appropriate to my inter... - Pete
  • Don't know about the future, but I do have a collection of ... (checks)... just over 300 m... - graybo
  • Dawww. - Pete
September 13, 2013

UborCon

Today’s gathering has many virtual layers. Imagine a large faceless corporate hotel hosting many conferences, each one more tedious and pointless than the last. Some of us attend for fame and fortune, but mostly we have to go because of our jobs. Some of us knit while we pretend to  listen to the speakers; others are in such a frenzy of livetweeting that they can’t actually follow what’s being said. And over at the bar, the Weird Cousins gather, clutching their drinks…

Not so much a Weird Cousin as a Weird Brother, Doctor Pockless is the only speaker at DaLoCom, but currently they’re taking a break while the techies try to get the laptop to communicate with the projector. You’ll notice him scribbling furiously on a napkin as he sips his pint. It’s a strange drawing of a the president of Chad in just his pants. Why would he do that? Nobody knows.

Sevitz is at NeHoMoPa, where he has attended workshops on wrapping up glassware in layers of newspaper, and learned about measuring the doorway before trying to get the sofa in. The ticket buying process for this conference was fraught with hidden agency fees and archaic documentation checks. And he can’t even have  a housewarming party until he has repented for ever commencing on the process in the first place. And how he repents it.

Most conferences are an excuse not to be at work (other than ones that run at the weekend with mandatory attendance by people who mostly work on a voluntary basis, she wrote bitterly). Pigwotflies has perfected the not at work conference by simply sitting in the bar and knitting, with her wine in a sippy cup.

From his comment, it seems that Lyle might be at an actual conference as well as a virtual one. And look what’s in the awesome CrapCon goody bag! A plastic dog turd! A pencil with a lead so hard it doesn’t actually write! A bound copy of the slides with some of the pages upsidedown! He’s going to need that vodka; sorry we ran out of coke. Just to annoy him, I’m sitting Happy Gordon at the same table with his own goody bag full of sunshine and postcards with happy sayings on. Better get Lyle another vodka, and a pint of juiced kittens for Gordon. That is what you asked for, isn’t it? HAPPY, Gordon. HAPPY HAPPY. Further happiness has been exhibited by Asta, who is at NonConCon, swilling champagne by the bucketload; this is not to be confused with NoConCon, where Pix is working her way through the list of 23 caffeinated cocktails, followed by the house special, which is all of them mixed together.

Over in the PestConCon hall, Graybo has accepted his award for Manly Man of the Year, for services to killing wasps. His trophy is in the shape of a cocktail glass and filled with a delicious banana, vodka and ginger mixture. His speech was soooooo long. Runner up for the Manly Man award was our Pete, who changed a tyre this afternoon and then was too hepped up on adrenaline to work for the next five or six minutes. His runner up speech was a text to me to tell me all about it.

Tomorrow I’m going to a real conference with the slightly naff hashtag #babblelive, and I won’t be able to live tweet it in a sarcastic manner, because professionalism. Hope you don’t have to work this weekend, but if you do, do it with a cocktail.

Karen
  • Comments: 4
  • Tasty kittens are tasty! - Gordon
  • Looking forward to next year's DaLoCom, by which time I'll be able to sit at the back nodd... - Doctor Pockless
  • No, Lyle has nabbed them all, sorry. - Karen
  • Can I have a manly parasol in that, please? - graybo

Bar’s Open

This weekend is NCT’s annual conference, at which I am running a very dull workshop. So the bar this weekend is in a conference centre, and you can all choose what sort of conference you are at.

Karen
  • Comments: 8
  • I'd like about 200 more hours in the next day or so, please. Too much to do. Something caf... - pixeldiva
  • I haven't had to attend a conference in almost five years. This makes me very happy. I am ... - asta
  • I dealt with a 4am wasp nest-based crisis in our kitchen and conservatory, which disturbed... - graybo
  • Happy Gordon is at this years National Happy and Don't Care Who Knows It Conference (hasht... - Happy Gordon
  • Sevitz, I think in light of moving etc., you should be allowed at least one major drink pr... - Lyle
September 12, 2013

Where are they now? An interview with Lori Smith

LoriSmithAre you living in the same place as in 2004/05?

No, I was living in south Manchester back then but have since moved to south London. Never thought I’d like living in the capital, but this big beautiful city has proved me wrong. Since 2006, I have been busily trying out as much as I can of what London has to offer. [Waits for Lyle to make a crude remark.] I am, however, still living with the ever wonderful Topper.

Would we recognise you if we passed you in the street?

Possibly. Depends on whether or not you still read my blog. My fashion sense has changed a lot in recent years, and my hair has changed quite a bit since 2005 (when I had no fringe) and 2004 (when I was blonde!), but my face is still relatively untouched by the ravages of time. Also, if you follow me on any form of social media these days you’re probably quite likely to recognise me because I do have a fondness for selfies. Years ago I had a webcam – now I have a smart phone and Instagram.

What predictions do you have for the future of social media/the internet?

You’re probably asking the wrong person here. I pretty much have no concept of the future, unless it’s fictional and on a large screen in front of my face. I rarely ever make anything that could be termed a long term plan, and pretty much just see where the wind takes me. However, now you’ve pressed me for an answer, I reckon that the concept of shame will eventually disappear entirely, as everyone has every aspect of their lives recorded for posterity and easily searchable via Google. No one will be able to deny their sordid past and so everyone will be in the same boat. That’s probably a long way into the future though!

We all had a blog back then. Do you still have one, or are you mainly present somewhere else?

I do indeed still have a blog. It’s now called Rarely Wears Lipstick (although my old vanity domain still redirects there) and I still write about whatever captures my interest, although my writing has improved immensely since I started blogging back in 2002. These days my site is more like an online magazine and less like the ramblings of someone with an overinflated ego sat in their living room poking at a laptop, even though it is technically still that. If you are so inclined, you can find more self-indulgent waffle from me on Twitter too, where I am @lipsticklori.

Tell us one goal you would like to achieve before your next birthday?

Well, my birthday’s in January and I need to have a research proposal for my MA dissertation finished and presented by December, so I guess that counts. Other than that, my innate lack of ambition and planning skills mean that health and happiness are pretty much my only goals, and they both need to be maintained rather than achieved. Thankfully.

Clair asked: If you could go back and tell a 16 year old you something, what would you tell her?

Ooh, good question! I’d say, “don’t listen to your teachers when they tell you to take A-Level Maths. It’ll be a waste of two years. Go for English Language instead. You’re worried you’ll get Mrs Jones as a teacher again, but she’s actually far nicer than she seems. She only told you that you’d get a D at GCSE because she knew it would make you work harder.” Mind you, a different choice of third subject might end up changing my entire future. Maybe it’s best not to cross your own timeline, eh?

Clair asked: What’s the most interesting thing you’ve learned through your fashion MA?

The MA History and Culture of Fashion course at London College of Fashion has, so far, taught me a great many interesting things. I now know how bespoke suits are made on Savile Row, how to analyse fashion imagery, that there are many more archives of garments in the world than you could possibly imagine, and that no amount of reading can prepare you for how it feels to handle something that is hundreds of years old. The most important thing I have learnt is probably that my past studies, my current hobbies and my lifelong obsessions do all meet in a place where fascinating research happens. Hopefully I will be able to add my own to the mix sometime soon.

Clair asked: You’ve got a quite a lot of twitter followers, does that change the way that you use twitter?

It think it’s probably the number of people I follow that changes the way I use Twitter. I treat it as a place to broadcast (in classic microblogging style), and also like a whole load of chat rooms that I can duck in and out of all day as I wish. I follow people I know in real life, folk whose blogs I read, people who tweet interesting links, brands I adore, magazines, journalists, and folk I don’t know but who were retweeted and their bios made me laugh. That’s over 400 people who I can’t quite keep up with, so there’s no way I can worry about catching every tweet. It’s not like I say different things because more people are listening though. I’m just as likely to say daft things as I was when I first joined Twitter!

Who would you like us to interview next, and what shall we ask them?

I’d like you to interview Cat, aka @koshkajay. Can you ask her:

  1. which novel would you say is a ‘must read’, even for someone who doesn’t often find the time to read much fiction?
  2. Will there be more video blog posts, and how do you find they differ to standard written posts?
  3. What’s the best thing about living in Nottingham?