21:08 I’m out. Well, I don’t think I’m quite technically out, but it’s close enough to be worth falling asleep over. And I still blame this sodding weblog.

21:04 She puts into place the final instruments of my doom…

20:59 The luck continues to favour Karen. And all this liveblogging is really distracting. It’s YOUR fault that I’m losing.

20:57 I’m meat. Really. I’m doomed.

20:49 I won a reality TV show and collected £100k. Awesome.

20:47 Property starts to grow like weeds. It gets interesting. Though neither of us carry much cash.

20:41 I think it was more fun when I was tearing her apart, limb from limb.

20:36 A small comeback is occurring. But very very small.

20:32 And now she’s won the midweek rollover jackpot. I may be facing a greater foe here.

20:30 She’s got six different colours. But she’s winning, so I’d better shut up for now.

20:27 I’ve managed to get a complete set of yellows, but I needed to mortgage three properties to get it. Ugh.

20:24 It doesn’t get much better. I think this one is doomed.

20:18 I’m pretty badly off, money wise. However, Karen once again can’t resist the urge to spread herself very thinly, so it may pick up.

20:14 I’m building up a nice collection of the yellows and greens.

20:13 She’s in jail. The harlot.

20:11 A very polite game so far, with neither of us stamping on eachothers’ collections. This may be a high-rise kind of game.

20:09 A poor first lap for me, landing on the income tax straight away. Though Karen bought everything that she landed on, as always. However, she only landed on three different colours, so this could turn out to be much more exciting than last night’s.

20:05 Karen is first off the mark. She lands on one of the blues. She will buy it. No surprises yet.

Karen and I are going to play a game of monopoly. Updates will be added to the top of this post as and when they happen.

She’s going to be banker and estate agent and everything. I’ll be press.

The weather forecast clearly stated Thursday 26, Friday 23, Saturday 21, Sunday 22, so last night we decided to go for a picnic in a park about a mile from home.
It was a little breezy, but we huddled happily on the rug, munching pork pie and admiring the dramatic cloud formations. We agreed that it was a little bit too windy to throw the frisbee. We britishly sat out a couple of spots of rain.
Then we retreated a little way under one of the big lime trees, until the wind started blow gusts of raindrops into our shelter.
Then we crept round the other side of the tree and hid in the undergrowth.
Then we wrapped the picnic rug around us and scurried home.
Ah, British summertime.

With some exceptions, owls aren’t stupidly fussy eaters like some animals that I could care to mention. Generally anything that’s an insect or rodent is fair game. In order to have the diet of an owl, we must swallow these things whole, and then use the muscles in our stomach to roll the indigestible bits (teeth, claws and fur – that sort of thing) into a kind of hairball, and cough it back up.
Understandably, I’m finding this to be a daunting prospect. I’ve never coughed up a hairball before. However, I do have some experience in producing vast quantities of phlegm, though it’s not something that I can really do on request.
For the purposes of this experiment, I shall deep throat a sugar mouse whilst holding onto the string (or “tail”). When the mouse has dissolved, I will then pull the string back up.
WARNING! WARNING! DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS AT HOME! THIS STUNT WAS PERFORMED BY A TRAINED OWL WITH SPECIALLY ADAPTED STOMACH MUSCLES!

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Owls also have very good night vision. Scientists would say that this is because their eyes are very large in proportion to the size of their heads, but I believe it’s that they are munching on lots of carrots on the quiet.

In fact, according to the 1998 Junior Illustrated Encyclopedia Of Lies, owls eat twelve times their own bodyweight of carrots EVERY SINGLE MINUTE! How incredible is that? For the purposes of demonstration, below is Beck the Owl pictured next to twelve times his own bodyweight of carrots.

If you listen to scientists, you’d be forgiven for thinking that carrots are high in beta-carotene, which is converted into vitamin A by the body, and this is why it is good for your night vision. This is clearly refuted in the 1998 Junior Illustrated Encyclopedia Of Lies, which points out that the truth of the matter is that its all to do with THE SHAPE OF THE VEGETABLE!

So here’s a handy cut-out-and-discard guide to improving your night vision through means of ingestion.

HTH!