September 29, 2013

My GTA V Unreview

I’ve never been exactly a cutting-edge gamer. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever even bought a games console in my life, but that’s probably another blog post.

A couple of years back I was at Karl‘s house and he asked me if I wanted an original XBox 360 Premium (that’s the one with the 20GB hard drive). He told me that he had a couple that he had used as media centres that he didn’t want any more, because he was replacing them with the slimmer, quieter versions. So that’s how I got my XBox 360.

When we got it home I discovered that the DVD drive didn’t work at all. So I rolled up my sleeves and opened the thing up, and discovered that the mechanism for holding the disc securely in place was broken. A few drops of superglue later and we had a fully functional machine.

6 months later the thing got struck down by the red ring of death. I once more opened it up, did the standard X clamp fix, and we were back on course.

Since then, things went okay for a while. Bernard used it a lot more than me – I only have about 4 games, whereas he has 9 or 10. However, I did start anticipating the release of GTA V with some relish. I was fairly fond of GTA San Andreas on the PS2, and it sounded like GTA V was going to be the true sequel.

But in May this year, disaster struck. Red ring again. I’d already done the X clamp fix once, so it sounded like this time it was probably terminal. We’d already ordered a tablet for Bernard’s birthday, so I knew he’d be fine if I didn’t bother replacing it straight away.

Fast forward to the other Sunday (15th September). The release of GTA V is imminent. Bernard, Karen and I are having lunch in town. I have a beer. Bernard and I decide to take the plunge and replace the XBox 360. So after lunch, we head off around the shops to get a replacement.

I didn’t anticipate this being difficult at all, but in fact it was. Lots of shops advertised having consoles, but upon investigation they turned out to have none in stock, and if they did, they had just one and they were asking top dollar for it. The guy in HMV suggested I wait a few weeks and get one bundled with FIFA 2014.

By the time we got home, the buzz had worn off. I present to you, my new plan. But first, we must aside.

Aside

My computer is a decrepit old beast. The motherboard and processor are eight years old. The processor is a AMD Sempron 3000, one of the last of the single core generation. It’s had upgrades over the years (the GPU is a Geforce 6200, which is basically the best thing that I can put in the AGP slot, and it’s been upgraded to 2 GB RAM) and it’s now at a dead end. Once upon a time, I used to play computer games on my PC, but that was a long time ago.

Unside

So I was looking at the following options:

1. Wait for an XBox One, with its slightly creepy telescreen-like tendencies, and it’s fixation on US television services. Nope nope nope.

2. Spend £200 on a new XBox 360, a console that is coming to the end of its life, just so I can play GTA V. Also an unattractive proposition.

3. Rejoin the great PC gaming master race! Okay, so it’s by far the most expensive option, but I’ve got dosh to spare at the moment. My computer is long overdue for an upgrade – the main hard drive has been dutifully serving up files for about 12 years, and I’m surprised that it’s lasted this long. The PC release of GTA V is (probably) between 2 and 6 months away, and based upon the reviews of Max Payne 3 on the PC, I think that we can expect the GTA V PC version to be a well-polished port.

So that’s the plan. I’ve specced up a machine on Overclockers UK (Intel Core i5 4670K 3.4GHz, 8 GB RAM, GeForce GTX 760) and I’ve had my finger hovering over the “Order” button for the last week, trying to decide whether to take the plunge or not. If I wait for a couple of months, maybe I’ll be able to get more for my money? But if I get it now, then I can start playing with it now. I can install Fallout New Vegas (probably my favourite of the 4 games I had for the XBox 360), install a few mods (oooh, mods, that’s one of the huge attractions of PC gaming, to me) and replay that to pass the time until GTA V comes out. And the new Terraria update comes out this week too – while my PC tolerates it okay, it would be nice to be able to play full screen instead of in a small window.

Finger still hovering. What should I do? What should I do?

Pete
  • Comments: 8
  • Swisslet, that is my problem with GTA: It reduces charity giving to a one-dimensional tran... - Karen
  • I played a bit of Tomb Raider 2 too, back in the playstation / playstation 2 era. Very lin... - Pete
  • In GTA, those girls you give money to are raising money for stem-cell research, right? - swisslet
  • I've been playing the new Tomb Raider - it's very good, but after the totally open world o... - swisslet
  • I've considered Skyrim. I think I'd probably enjoy it, as it has so much in common with Fa... - Pete
September 27, 2013

Cocktails in the Utility Belt

Some of us need less caffeine; some of us need more. Today’s cocktails are being served in the Call Centre of Doom, where we have all been forced to take employment as a punishment for whining. AnotherMike is the boss, as you can tell from the elephantine snores coming from his desk. His wasn’t so much a cocktail as a hot milky drink, don’t hold the brandy. He won’t be around for a while.

Pete is in charge of the Broadband Department, because my woe is that it has been my experience over the last couple of weeks that the internet keeps dropping out. Not the whole internet, obvs; twitter seems to continue in my absence. But the connection in Casa Uborka is not great these days. Every time I grumble about it, he checks the logs and says there hasn’t been any downtime, which is just what you would expect from Customer Services. You know what you can do with that Guinness.

Not even bothering to answer calls, preferring instead to flirt with complainants on twitter, our Doctor Pockless has filled his quota by getting mum’s phone fixed, and is now just trying to sign people up to direct debits for the continuation of the provision of their souls. He is, in his usual elegant fashion, consuming a pint.

Mike has a new job presenting the latest series of Location Location Location, with the help of his glamorous assistant. You wondered what the K stood for, didn’t you? His endless quest is for a property combining peaceful village life with a minimal commute, a farmhouse kitchen, and a chrome-plated cocktail bar at which to mix those Manhattans. [Okay I don’t know how this fits into a call centre but we never let that sort of thing stand in our way at Uborka].

We’ve put Lyle in charge of refuse collection, sewerage, and hashtags, so that he may use his vocabulary in full. Unfortunately for the punters calling his helpline, he is.

And asta is on the denial desk, refusing to answer calls at all. We can all hear the tinny music from her headphones, though, as she tries to pretend she’s at a pop festival. That does explain the wellies too.

I’m staffing the Cocktail Line. In other words, drinking them before you can. It’s for your own good. Have a lovely weekend, everyone.

Karen
  • Comments: 3
  • We have a call desk that can do that for you. - Karen
  • I missed cocktails again! I'm going to have to start setting myself reminders. - Clair
  • This comments section is experiencing an unusually high volume of calls at the moment. Ple... - Doctor Pockless

Bar’s Open

This week I have spent a small portion of time tackling issues with my mother’s telephone line. If you have been paying attention you will know that she lives in the arse end of nowhere with my frail stepdad. Her phone line went down on Tuesday 17th September and she used up  most of her PAYG minutes expensively trying to get through to MyPostOffice‘s customer services, which (as I can personally confirm) is not actually possible. Yesterday the good Dr Pockless and I attempted to raise a twitterstorm, and the PO’s twitterpeople responded pretty quickly promising to escalate the matter to their telecoms people. Later that evening (as we continued to tweet) she eventually had a call promising her an engineer would call today (Friday). We can only hope and pray that she hasn’t just let the handset battery run down.

Meanwhile the Miliman promised in his speech to freeze energy prices, and Lyle blogged a lot about his own favourite utility merchants. Grab your drinks and tell us your tales; we’ll put the world to rights this afternoon.

Karen
  • Comments: 6
  • Well, in sympathy for anyone dealing with dickbag scumsucking utility companies (putting t... - Lyle
  • I'VE HAD NO COFFEE TODAY AND I'M NOT COPING WELL QUICK GIVE ME SOMETHING CAFFEINzzzzz. - anothermike
  • I have no service provider travails at the moment, but I'm sure that won't last. I'm in t... - asta
  • Until the Post Office have a) fixed Mum's phone and b) paid her the compensation that has ... - Doctor Pockless
  • Oh, you don't want to hear my tales from this week; they're all of the putting-the-house-o... - mike
September 26, 2013

Where are they now? An interview with Gert

facebook photoAre you living in the same place as in 2004/05?

Yes, ‘Gert Cottage’. But the immediate environment has changed considerably, with a block of flats having been built in front of us, and my once scruffy back alley is now a gated community of 4 18/19th century cottages and 4 2013-built townhouses.

Would we recognise you if we passed you in the street?

I would expect so. I steadily get larger but otherwise i don’t think I’ve changed much in decades

What predictions do you have for the future of social media/the internet?

I think Facebook is here to stay. I don’t particularly like it, but like many people I find it useful for keeping up with extended family news. I think most people will dip in and out of using it, especially now the novelty has worn off for most. I think people are becoming more wary of the side-effects of being too open or trusting on social media sites. I much prefer Twitter but have been trying to step away a bit, because it’s an enormous thief of time which could be spent reading far more books, for example

I couldn’t imagine life without the internet. I use it a great deal for buying things, because I’ve never liked shopping anyway, and nowadays generally regard trudging round shops as being too much of a drain of energy. I must use Wikipedia a dozen times a day and I now always go to Trip Advisor to look for restaurants and occasionally hotels in unfamiliar towns. It’s my main source of news, including the ‘hyperlocal’, which is a horrible word but a great concept. I just wish it had existed when I was young.

We all had a blog back then. Do you still have one, or are you mainly present somewhere else?

Yes, but it’s entirely different from back there. I used to blog just about every evening and sometimes during the day, and a lot of it was stream of consciousness or holding forth on opinions. I wasn’t alone in spending a good couple of hours in the evening going round other people’s blogs, leaving comments. It suited then, because my partner was early to bed early to rise so I barely saw him on work nights. But things are different now.

I use my blog now for more structured pieces, driven largely by photos I take. I can see that my photography has improved, and years ago I cited blogging as something that made me go out and do things and visit places. My hit count is a lot less now, and I think that gives me more freedom. I can’t imagine why anyone would wish to read my blog on a regular basis, but I hope people enjoy what I write about places they want to visit.

Tell us one goal you would like to achieve before your next birthday?

I’m tempted to repeat what I tried to get away with as a work objective ‘turn up to work more or less on time most days’. I’ve never been hugely goal oriented, not even liking New Year’s Resolutions. But in the past year I have had both ‘Graded Exercise Therapy’ and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, for pain management, and have been doing yoga and studying mindfulness. None of these are goals in themselves but are ways of enabling me to live as full a life as possible. My birthday’s in February, so if I can look back over the winter and know that I’ve applied these techniques and enjoyed life, that will be with a sense of achievement.

Cat wanted to know:

Given your love of opera and the general failure of most people I know to give it much of a chance, which opera would you say was most accessible for those who’ve never really thought much about it?

It does depend on what your musical tastes are. There are assumptions that novices will be most attracted by pretty tunes, but I think many people are familiar with rock music that isn’t especially melodic. That having been said, Carmen is packed full of tunes familiar to many people from ringtones, adverts if nothing else; a super tragic story, some strong characters, and lots of opportunity for great staging. Tosca, similarly, and quite short, not just in actual time but it also seems to pass very quickly. For people who are open to something less melodic, Benjamin Britten’s Peter Grimes is superb, very evocative of the sea, and conjuring up this wonderful claustrophobic atmosphere of a Borough that treat this fisherman with deep suspicion – well, he does tend to have apprentices (ex-workhouse boys) who come to unfortunate ends out at sea. A splendid 21st century opera is Dr Atomic, about Robert Oppenheimer and the Manhattan Project, and incorporating elements of the Bhagavad Gita.

Nowadays operas are often broadcast to cinemas; the ones from New York are live, on Saturday evenings during the winter and early spring. It’s not the same as actually being at a live performance, but for most people easier to get to, and less scope for (misplaced) social anxiety.

You went to University in Nottingham – what did you most like about the place?

I loved the campus, but to be honest I didn’t especially enjoy University. I thought I did at the time, but in retrospect I could have benefitted from a year or two post-school to do some serious growing up. Nottingham’s a wonderful city. It has everything there, culturally and so on,  but isn’t so large and sprawling in the way that, say, Manchester (where I grew up in the ‘burbs) is. It has a uniqueness about it. But as a student I didn’t really appreciate the city – for example I don’t think I ever actually went to the River Trent, and I certainly didn’t take advantage of all the gorgeous countryside just on the doorstep. Not just the Peak District – a few weeks ago I passed through Ratcliffe-on-Soar, and, notwithstanding the power station, I remembered how lovely it can be round there on summer’s evenings

You were politically active in your University days, and are clearly still well-informed on politics in general. Would you say your political views have evolved over time?

I would like to be more active now, but activism involves a lot of walking – ‘pounding the pavements’, which physically I’m not up to, but also time commitment. I don’t want it to dominate my life any more. I tend to oscillate between being quite radical and quite pragmatic. I feel quite radical now but I suspect that as the General Election approaches I’ll be more cautious, conscious that policies that are very radical don’t play well in the media. I think people come round eventually, but it’s natural to want time to adjust to new ideas. I think that 20+ years working in Central and Local Government makes me somewhat fatalistic. My reaction to many things is “Great idea but how will it work in practice” or “what a stupid idea, haven’t thought through the impact?”!

I’d like to nominate Stroppy Cow for the next interview. I’d like to ask:

a) There’s a fair age gap between your two children. Have you brought them up very differently, and how much of the Toddler’s upbringing is delegated to the Teenager?
b) You cycle quite a lot. Are you a Lycra Lout, or the dream demographic – suburban mum on a bike? (Or a bit of both?)
Karen
  • Comments: 2
  • Maybe we should open up a little opera segment some time. - Karen
  • Glad I'm not the only one who isn't massively goal orientated. That does sound achievable ... - Lori Smith
September 25, 2013

Conversation at bedtime

Mum, have you paid for the journey to Mauritius yet?

No, no I haven’t paid for that.

Because, I think I don’t want to go anymore.

Just as well, really. Night night.

Night night, mum.

Karen
  • Comments: 1
  • We just had an "inappropriate toy in the bath" conversation. Ow! What's up? I've ... - graybo

Breaking Bad Finale Predictions

Last night after watching the penultimate episode, I had troubled dreams in which Walt heads back to Albuquerque armed to the teeth, alerting the TV news stations on his way. All guns blazing, he despatches Jack and his crew in a bloody battle; and in the mess and chaos, Jesse again escapes his cage, only to encounter Walt face to face in a final shoot out. Walt has time to confess to the cameras in order to set Skylar free, and then Jesse kills him. He dies.

Is this somewhat how you are expecting it to be?

Karen
  • Comments: 6
  • And... the ricin goes into the meth. - Karen
  • I hadn't seen or heard any other ending plans/concepts, but yeah, it would be funny, if a ... - Lyle
  • I heard the "it's all a dream" theory on Radio 4 earlier in the week. Actually that would ... - Karen
  • I can't see how it can possibly end without some sort of major gun battle and it would be ... - Ms Gammidgy
  • Or alternatively Walt's fever dream, as he waits for the original diagnosis. He's imagined... - Lyle
September 24, 2013

Great Uborka BakeAlong

This week’s challenges included traybakes, tuiles and towers of biscuits. No-one in their right mind would make biscuits into a tower, so most of the week’s entries have been traybakes.

K has pushed out all the stops with his version of Chatsworth Farm Shop’s Passionate Carrot Cake:

The thing about the Chatsworth cake is that the fruit is REALLY juicy. I used raisins and plumped them up by soaking in Whisky for a couple of hours before making the cake.
I really fucked up on the cream cheese butter icing – have you ever noticed how similar corn flour and icing sugar look? Second time around there wasn’t enough Philadelphia, so I sharpened the butter icing with lemon juice. it worked very well, producing a lighter topping. There were of course 12, but they wouldn’t fit on the cake stand, and anyway, two had already gone missing.

@Miketd burst into Boney M, “Star Baker, she taught all her sons, Star Baker, to handle their buns….

photo(2)Asta made lemon and raspberry squares, but the twitter bot offended her and she didn’t send us a picture. You can take a sneaky peek here, though. Just check out the size of those raspberries!

I made sidneys (always a roaring success) and earl grey shortbread (awful). Unfortunately I accidentally deleted the photographs. I also made bad cheese and thyme scones, and an acceptable, if lopsided, cottage loaf. You can see that:

2013-09-22 17.29.41-1

I nominate Asta as star baker, to make up for the cheeky bot. Tonight’s episode is sweet dough week, so we’re looking forward to trying a tea loaf in the next few days.

 

Karen
  • Comments: 3
  • That ballyragging bot has all the charm of a boiled boot. Nevermind... I may have inhal... - asta
  • Correction Made, Mike. - Lyle
  • Congrats to asta - looks wonderful. My personal Star Baker dispatched me to the village sh... - mike
September 23, 2013

BUT OUR PRINCESS IS IN
ANOTHER CASTLE!

At the weekend, while Karen was hard at work, Bernard and I went on a bit of a castle spree. I say spree, I’m not sure if two counts as a spree, but hey ho. The two could not have been more different. Kenilworth Castle is run by English Heritage, is mostly ruined, and really gives you a lot of opportunities to soak up the whole castleness of it all. Warwick Castle, however, is run by Merlin Entertainment and the familial resemblance to Legoland is not subtle. When you leave, your eyes have been so fatigued by brightly coloured signs and hot dog stands and gift shops that you wonder if there was even a castle underneath all that stuff at all.

That said, it was a fun day out, and the various demonstrations and shows that they had during the day were very entertaining. With an exception.

When we arrived, and had not yet found our bearings, Bernard said he wanted to go in the Princess Tower. Okay, I said. At first, I thought it was just a tower that you’d climb up. Then I read some blurb, something about choosing accessories for a dress, and realised that okay, this is probably Merlin Entertainment’s attempt at a girl-oriented attraction. I didn’t want to say flat out “I think that this will be too girly for you” so I explained what I knew to Bernard, so that he could judge for himself. If he thought it sounded too girly, then that was his call.

But he didn’t seem to have a problem with the notion of designing a dress, and nor did I, so in we went.

Initially Bernard was invited to dress up as a knight and have his photo taken in front of a green screen for later embellishment. Which sounded pretty cool, actually, but Bernard : dressing up :: Mr T : airplanes, so we walked through.

In the main room, we all took our places. Little girls sat down on the rug, their bored-looking dads stood around the back wall, Bernard and I chillin’ out, doin’ our thing. I leaned down to him and pointed at the thing in the corner. “Do you think that’s a sofa, or a small bed?” I asked. “Ummm, a small bed, I think.” he said. A few more little girls filed in. And then another little boy, hurrah, who was with his mum and older sister. Not the only boy!

Everyone was in the room, the doors were closed, Princess Something introduced herself. She kissed a frog, which made a ribbiting noise but didn’t turn into a prince. She then turned to the small bed, which I now noticed was actually mostly mattresses. “Ah, ” I thought. Princess Something told us the story of the princess and the pea.

“Now, does one of you want to climb up on this bed and see if you’re a real princess?”

A very, very short pause.

The hand of the other little boy shot up.

“This is fucking brilliant.” I thought. “We don’t want none of your old-fashioned gender stereotyping, Princess Something!” I yelled, still in my head, of course.

The little boy climbed up into the bed, banged his head momentarily, and we then were treated to a couple of minutes while Princess Something tried to get him to sit on a particular spot on the bed, while he did his best to sit everywhere but. Eventually, he acknowledged that yes, he could feel the pea, but it’s entirely possible that it was just concussion.

Finally, the painting of Princess Thingummy, which had been sat behind Princess Something’s shoulder and looking suspiciously like a TV screen, came to life! The painting it was magic! Princess Thingummy and Princess Something talked for a while about Princess Thingummy’s impending wedding to Prince Smugarse. Then we all voted on a scarf (pink, purple or white), tiara (crystal or diamond) and shoes (glass or ruby) to go with Princess Thingummy’s wedding dress. I think that the final outcome (purple scarf, diamond tiara, glass slippers) was probably as good as could be hoped for, and I think Bernard may have actually been in the winning camp on all three counts, which suggests that he might be doing this thing for a living one day. I should suggest that to him.

Then it was time to go, and we filed out.

There’s a serious point to be made here. Amongst the trebuchets and archery and eagles and dungeons and towers on offer at Warwick Castle, someone decided that it was necessary to put on something for the little girls. All the other attractions were educational and led by incredibly enthusiastic people, but this one had clearly been built from the ground up with only girls in mind. No disrespect to the women who were running the show on the day – they were very professional and friendly – but the whole concept was simpering, inane, patronising and very out of place. It saddened me that there was this little oasis of drippiness in the midst of so many well-presented, subject-driven attractions.

“So, ” I said to Bernard, “What did you think?”

He just glowered at me.

Pete
  • Comments: 16
  • Yeah, I'm happy enough in a ruined castle too, though Bernard preferred Warwick, all thing... - Pete
  • Maybe it's the romantic in me, but I do like a good ruin. We visited Korea a few years ag... - swisslet
  • Don't get Lyle starting on filthy, filthy pivot tables. - graybo
  • Disappointing, I used to love visiting Warwick. But kenilworth was my local castle. - Clair
  • No, Sevitz, you've got a database for managing your spreadsheets. - Lyle